did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
