3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got her a Nickelback box set.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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