just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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