someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The air taste purple.
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