its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
