If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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