i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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