I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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