Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
