the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
