You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
