He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
