you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
