are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
