you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
