u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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