Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
