We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
