theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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