Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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