You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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