you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I lost the right to judge tonight
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
