So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i will never coherently bang her
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
