I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
