Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
