just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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