the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
