i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
