sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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