don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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