Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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