??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
