Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
