he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
