I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
