a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
