I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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