That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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