thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
