I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
