Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The Olympian is in my bed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
