started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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