guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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