we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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