p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Enjoy the penises
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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