She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
