How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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