that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
