any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
