i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this must be what syphilis tastes like
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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