idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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