Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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