she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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