im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize