Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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