You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
