i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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