I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
