Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
