So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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