It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
