Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
