Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
