i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
