His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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