I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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