were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So many bounce houses so little time
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
