i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
