There was a lot of him and a little penis
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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