shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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