I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
