U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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