Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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