where am i from again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
