It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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